When Love Becomes Friendship

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I was organizing my new home yesterday. It is smaller then the last one, though contemporary and lovely, and so some things need to go in storage. I find photo albums. There is always something a little strange about looking at old photographs. Will you miss the past depicted in the photographs? Will you feel fear when recalling what was once your life? Feel free of the past, sober and fresh into the world, safe at last.

I brought the books outside to the patio. Somehow, looking at the past feels better outside. Outside the confines of my new life. A life free of drugs and of alcohol. I open the book. I should not have opened the book. Pages of my partner of three years and I. We are holding hands. He is kissing my cheek. His arms are laced around my back. He loves me.

We are rock climbing in a few of them, horseback riding in a couple more, making dinner (my lips are kissing his cheek as he cooks), we smile. We are in love. Love, that funny thing, obscure, strange. We had framed pictures of ourselves. Plans to have children once we quit drinking and doing drugs. And we did. Quit.

I think we quit loving each other as well. The Honeymoon Phase, a brilliant thing, peppered with roses and intimacy. Pure bliss. But it always ends. A healthy relationship slowly becomes as much about mutual adoration as it once was pure lust.

Three years have passed. We share the same home. The same cat and dog. Vehicle. Grocery bill. We do not hold hands and we do not kiss. We are intimate, perhaps a few times a year, I wonder if this is normal. We keep telling each other that once we are less stressed out we can love each other physically again. But I do not even want to. I fear intimacy. Is it my fear or our relationship?

I have no reference point. The television tells me that we should be making love all the time, at least once a week, that we are abnormal in our love. Our love residing on a purely intellectual level and hampering at that. What is normal? What are the variations of love?

We are young. Perhaps vital. We share the same bed. We stare at opposite sides of the wall, and this feel comfortable. This feels like it should: Isolating. He watches silly television shows while I read myself to sleep. He eats chocolate in bed while I prefer fruit.

It is normal to desire the passion that defines the beginning of a relationship. But is it normal to have become best friends? Where is the lover I once had? The one I felt comfortable with. The one I still love. But in a distant way, divided by time and by pain, surprised we have been able to sustain.

When love becomes friendship. Well, I suppose we all need more friends.

 

Natalie

www.thethirdsunrise.com

 

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Actually I too have become friends w my ex. As lovers we had a bipolar sort of relationship and were opposite in so many ways but as friends that up and down roller coaster gave way to just friend/love without all the crap of 'she's not loving me enough today so I can't stand to feel my own skin' kind of sh*t. Really we aren't ready for physical love with one another and she moved away to get well (we talk every day) and its beautiful and yet so sad at the same time...Thx for your post! ...Remedyke aka Lisa
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Natalie, 2 years ago I entered a relationship with my best friend of the previous 4 years. At first it was more sexual than any relationship I've ever had, but now after 2 years there is an absence of any sexual desire or activity. Similar to your situation, drugs and alcohol were very present in the beginning of our relationship. They are still present, but I have slowed down quite a bit. He has not at all, but the sexual desire is completely gone for both of us. Its like we don't even know what affection is. I'm at a complete loss of what to do. I want to spend my life with him but I don't know if I can handle the loneliness of being in a sexless relationship. If you have found anything that helps or have any tips please let me know. Anonymous
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Hi natalie i reached that stage with my partner of nearly 3 years we made that wise choice of separating as we felt we became to comfortable we still love each other deeply but feel maybe sometimes just love is not enough. Sometimes in life u may be missing the perfect relationship by trying so hard in the one you are actually in. I think it depends on if u can go on with a lack of intimacy or not some people can n some people can't. We chose to go other ways but if we truly love each other we will realise in the near future if we don't we will continue with this separation hope you find what's best for you but as for me I'm going to let it fall into place xxxxx
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