When Love Becomes Friendship


I was organizing my new home yesterday. It is smaller then the last one, though contemporary and lovely, and so some things need to go in storage. I find photo albums. There is always something a little strange about looking at old photographs. Will you miss the past depicted in the photographs? Will you feel fear when recalling what was once your life? Feel free of the past, sober and fresh into the world, safe at last.

I brought the books outside to the patio. Somehow, looking at the past feels better outside. Outside the confines of my new life. A life free of drugs and of alcohol. I open the book. I should not have opened the book. Pages of my partner of three years and I. We are holding hands. He is kissing my cheek. His arms are laced around my back. He loves me.

We are rock climbing in a few of them, horseback riding in a couple more, making dinner (my lips are kissing his cheek as he cooks), we smile. We are in love. Love, that funny thing, obscure, strange. We had framed pictures of ourselves. Plans to have children once we quit drinking and doing drugs. And we did. Quit.

I think we quit loving each other as well. The Honeymoon Phase, a brilliant thing, peppered with roses and intimacy. Pure bliss. But it always ends. A healthy relationship slowly becomes as much about mutual adoration as it once was pure lust.

Three years have passed. We share the same home. The same cat and dog. Vehicle. Grocery bill. We do not hold hands and we do not kiss. We are intimate, perhaps a few times a year, I wonder if this is normal. We keep telling each other that once we are less stressed out we can love each other physically again. But I do not even want to. I fear intimacy. Is it my fear or our relationship?

I have no reference point. The television tells me that we should be making love all the time, at least once a week, that we are abnormal in our love. Our love residing on a purely intellectual level and hampering at that. What is normal? What are the variations of love?

We are young. Perhaps vital. We share the same bed. We stare at opposite sides of the wall, and this feel comfortable. This feels like it should: Isolating. He watches silly television shows while I read myself to sleep. He eats chocolate in bed while I prefer fruit.

It is normal to desire the passion that defines the beginning of a relationship. But is it normal to have become best friends? Where is the lover I once had? The one I felt comfortable with. The one I still love. But in a distant way, divided by time and by pain, surprised we have been able to sustain.

When love becomes friendship. Well, I suppose we all need more friends.






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Googled my way here, since I'm going through quite similar issues with my fiancée. We've been together for 3 years and the passion has diminished significantly. It's actually a bit depressing reading these comments... I do not mean to judge anyone since each relationship is different, but I just feel like people give up way too easily these days. Why throw away something you've built with so much effort, spent so much time and determination creating and fighting for? If the mere thought of losing this person makes your stomach turn, it is not automatically a sign of you being afraid of loneliness and somehow too weak to break free. It may be the actual l-o-v-e that you've been missing for such a long time. We've been raised in this society where pretty much everything is considered disposable and substitutable. At the same time the common ethos tells us that any other type of romantic love than the utter hormonal craze of the first few months of the relationship, is somehow "not enough" or "waste of time". This is insane. There's so much more to romantic love than the brief nutcase -phase. Sure, our relationships aren't anywhere near perfect. But do you feel at least content? Is there something you could do in this relationship to make it better? Relationship. means. work. I honestly think that before you have the right even to think about ending it, you owe it to yourself and to your partner to try every possible solution you can think of. If it's broken, try fix it. Don't just throw it away. Everything in life is impermanent. The honeymoon period is impermanent, but so are the difficulties you're having right now. Make a solid decision to fix it, give it a deadline if that helps you. "I'm gonna give this 100% of myself and if things are just as miserable a year from now, it's time to call it off." How 'bout that.
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I told my boyfriend of almost 20 years a week ago that my love for him has turned to friendship....he is devastated, we are still in our home, separate rooms, making the best of it until my apartment is done. The sad thing....this has been going on for at least 4 years, I left once and came back because I hated myself for doing what I did....and I was afraid of being alone....we could have both been in better places. I truly love him but not in the manner he needs. My heart has broken for him, but we must go on and move on....even 20 years is not a guarantee of love.
Googled my way here as well. He would go to the moon for me. He supports me and says he adores me. But I feel he is not reaching his relationship potential with me. He says he doesn't want to throw in the towel and I say lets see if it gets better. Is this just slowing taking the bandaid off? Or should I do myself, and him a favor and call it friends. Could even be friends with benefits if it ever comes up, cause I do love him, but I'm afraid it is more along the lines that I care a lot about him. I feel broken. I feel that I am missing out on the type of relationship that I deserve. Accepting the hum-drum to be content and feeling like you are faking it cannot be good for the soul. The 26 version of myself would not have stuck it out so long, but my current self did because we invest and try to grow the relationship, fix it, but like many posts here - it may not be fixable. Maybe it grew into a friendship and can't go back to were it once was. Now, do I have the bravery needed to do this.....sigh.
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