Suicide - she's not coming back

by Charlotte Fantelli

Life & death - Looking at the world through child's eyes

February this year saw a friend of mine commit suicide or as I like to see it a friend was allowed to die in a secure unit despite repeated cries for help. She was the partner of one of my best friends, a friend who has stood by me through thick and thin. I'd say the most loyal friend I have ever known, Danielle.

Last weekend my son and I went to a heavy horse farm with Danielle, we drove tractors and rode horses and carts with 'Aunty Dans'. On the way my son of four asked (as he does every time we see Dans) 'Will aunty Lou be there mummy?' He'd never known Dans without Lou.

I hadn't wanted to shatter his perceptions of the world at four years old, (or three as he was at the time she died). I had tried to leave the 'life and death' conversation as long as possible, and God forbid answering questions about the circumstances!

I had hoped that at three he would have simply faded the memory of Aunty Lou, but no, this time I knew a brush off simply wouldn't do!

'No she won't darling.'

'Why? Is she still poorly?'

'No, she's not still poorly... She's gone to heaven sweetheart'

He pondered this for a moment and you could see him thinking...

'But why mummy? Only old people go to heaven, Lou hadn't even grown a beard yet, she wasn't old!' Was his very sweet and childlike reply.

I wondered if I could just lead the conversation off down the road of 'ladies don't have beards', but I stuck to the point.

'Lou really wanted to go to heaven so God let her in early.'

'Why?'

'Well He couldn't make her better here on earth, so agreed to take her to heaven to make it all better.'

'I bet aunty Dans didn't want her to go'

'No she didn't sweetheart, but she let her go because she knew it was what she wanted.'

'I love Aunty Dans'

Pause

'Will Lou be coming back?'

'No my darling, she's not coming back'

'Why?'

'It's so nice there and she's better and at peace,'

'Will I be able to visit her in heaven when I am really old and have a beard?'

'Yes darling, but only when you are really old and go to heaven.'

'Oh, okay then mummy.'

...The logic and innocence of a child. It does me good to see the world through his sweet and beautiful eyes from time to time...

Rest in peace Lou x

Comments

sometimes,suicide IS the only way to find peace. I keep trying and no one seems to be helping me to think otherwize.

I am so sorry to hear you feel like this. It's hard for me to know how to help as I am not a qualified psychologist and don't know your history or condition. However, I did once feel as though I couldn't go on, I saw no hope, no future and lived every day in pain. I now thank God I didn't give up, if I had I wouldn't have the wonderful life I have now that the blackness is over. Where there is life there is hope. You need to find the support you need. Your GP needs to help you. If care from them is no good ask for a second/third opinion, you have every right to be heard. SANE have various methods of help and support also, please see here: http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/

On behalf of friends and family who have lost loved ones from suicide - please don't give up your decisions will change the lives of so many, even if you believe otherwise.

Charlotte x

Hi friends, its wonderful paragraph concerning tutoringand fully defined, keep it up all the time. Also visit my homepage :: minecraft
So sad, a beautiful reminder of what its like to see the world through innocent eyes
bookmarked!!, I like your web site! Have a look at my blog post; minecraft
I had a friend die by suicide I'm still so sngry, is this normal? I felt guilt for ages, but now its anger. Is it normal to feel angry at suicide? Loss?
Yes it is. I am sorry for your loss it hurts and never gets better. It will get easier though. You were not to blame entirely yourself and you should not feel guilt. tell yourself these words; Rest in Peace
Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they just don't know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks Feel free to visit my blog; Sabena Toor
This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost...HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool! Feel free to surf to my webpage minecraft
I am Aunty Dans lol, After Lou died I went through so many emotions Anger being one of them. I was angry at myself, at the hospital where she was staying, at Lou's parents for not supporting/looking after her enough when she was a child. I was also Angry at Lou for leaving me and giving up!! I have been told it's normal to feel these emotions, I think everyone deals with things differently.
I lost a relative this year to suicide and I just wanted to say that saying " committed suicide" almost sounds like a crime..I find it easier to say " my grandfather decided to take his own life". Been roughly 6 months and still feels like I've only just heard the news.. I just feel that we failed as a family to support him enough. I blame myself for not being able to do more even though I know I couldn't. Can anyone identify with this? Its a strange feeling.

I am so sorry to hear of your bereavement. I can understand your dislike of the term, but then suicide itself is such a difficult, tabboo subject I don't think any terminology could capture the grief, heartache, anger, sadness, guilt and pain. Once again I am sorry for your loss. You may find this helpful: grief

That's so true.. hope didn't sound like I was criticising your article (realise might have come across that way). Just finding it hard to get my head around it. Thank you I'll take a look now :)
No worries, not negative, just your opinion. I open the comments so anyone can comment and have an opinion, mine is not any more right or valid than anyone else's and it is nice to have a discussion about these very difficult subjects. I hope you find some things on this site useful. Charlotte
Awesome blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I'm hoping to start my own blog soon but I'm a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I'm totally overwhelmed .. Any ideas? Thanks! my web site: minecraft
Why viewers still make use of to read news papers when in this technological world all is presented on net? Stop by my homepage; tinyurl.com
Hello all, It is the beginning of harvest for some in Britain; Halloween is over and time to say, Rest in Peace! Mr Gary Leach

Thank you Gary, what a great way to remind us to look at the blessings we have. Thank you, Charlotte

Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they just don't know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks Feel free to visit my blog: Sabena Toor
Marvelous, what a webpage it is! This blog gives valuable facts to us, keep it up. Look into my blog :: minecraft
It's really a great and helpful piece of info. I am happy that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing. Also visit my web page - is.gd
check top casinos online games, play roulette]
check this top best online casinos us players
bookmarked!!, I like your web site! Feel free to visit my web-site; minecraft
Marvelous, what a webpage it is! This blog gives valuable facts to us, keep it up. Stop by my web page - minecraft
Awesome blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I'm hoping to start my own blog soon but I'm a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I'm totally overwhelmed .. Any ideas? Thanks! Also visit my website ... minecraft
This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost...HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool! Feel free to surf to my blog post - minecraft
I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up! I'll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later on. Many thanks Have a look at my blog post - free minecraft download
Hi friends, its wonderful paragraph concerning tutoringand fully defined, keep it up all the time. Also visit my blog minecraft
Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological world the whole thing is available on web? my webpage :: minecraft
Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological world the whole thing is available on web? Look into my blog; minecraft
check this top online casino
Contact us Securely : contact : keystonemeds(@) protonmail(.)com | Wickr: keys2pharm _____________________________________ Bitcoins Payments Now Acceptable. Pay for your medications with any cryptocurrencies . ################################################ Vending Of Pharmacy Grade Medications Online With Or Without Prescription At Affordable And Discount Prices. We Now Do Offer Secure Packaging And Stealth Shipping To Buyers . ################################################# #### Where To Buy Painkillers And Anti-Anxiety Pills Without Prescription Online  - Oxycodone For Sale | Vyvanse For Sale - Adderall For Sale - Concerta For Sale  ################################################# #### WHERE TO BUY PAINKILLERS AND ANTI-ANXIETY PILLS WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION ONLINE - VYVANSE FOR SALE - ADDERALL FOR SALE - CONCERTA FOR SALE ################################################# #### - We are reliable for a long term,communications & transactions are secured . - Offer safe and discreet overnight shipping (24/H) to clients depending on location. - Finest and fast services to all our clients, and we make sure they are treated like family. - We offer a Full Refunds on any Package that does not make it to its destination. ####################################################### ####################################################### ################ ADDERALL , XANAX , OXYCODONE , RITALIN , ROXICODONE , OPANA , DILAUDID , SUBUTEX , TRAMADOL, FENTANYL , METHADONE, HYDROCODONE , QUAALUDES, SOMA AND MORE ####################################################### ####################################################### ################ TAGS ::WHERE TO PURCHASE PRESCRIPTION MEDICATIONS WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION ONLINE LIKE :TAGS :: - Buy Actavis Promethazine Codeine Purple Cough Syrup Online (16oz and 320z) With Bitcoins Securely , - buy adderall online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy ritalin online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy phentermine online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy nembutal pentobarbital sodium online (powder, pills and liquid form) with bitcoins securely , - buy seconal online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy suboxone online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy methadone online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy hydrocodone online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy desoxyn online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy ketamine online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy soma online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy mandrax online (quaalude) with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy fentanyl online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy demerolonline with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy lyrica online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com,, etc. - buy oxycontin online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com , - buy roxicodone online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy rohypnol online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com , - buy opana online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com , - buy mscontin (morphine sulfate) online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy lortab online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy codeine pills online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy xanax online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com, - buy dilaudid online with bitcoins securely order at : keystonemeds(@)protonmail(.)com,
I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up! I'll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later on. Many thanks my web blog - free minecraft download
Why viewers still make use of to read news papers when in this technological world all is presented on net? Also visit my web site tinyurl.com
It's really a great and helpful piece of info. I am happy that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing. Feel free to visit my website; is.gd
Buy Medicine With or Without your Prescription from StealthVends. When you become a valued Customer of our Secured Online Pharmacy, you no longer have to worry about looking elsewhere because you are Covered and we have most medications needed. ============================================================================================= Pain Medications, Anxiety Medications, Stimulants  — BUY With Cryptocurrency ONLY  Securely and Stealth  Contact: stealthvends {at) Protonmail {.} com ====================================================== CLICK HERE >>>>{{{{{{{{{{{{ https://stealthvends.ml }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} ====================================================  Where to buy Adhd / Add medications Online  Welcome to the Shop
  Buy Vyvanse (ADHD) without prescription  No Prescription buy (Painkillers) hydrocodone online  Buy Methadone online now
  Buy Oxycodone Online 
  Suboxone for sale 
  Buy Subutex Online - Stop Addiction 
 Buy Sleeping Pills Securely  Buy Arimidex now
  Order Dexedrine without prescription online
  Order Dilaudid 8mg Online
  Buy Ecstasy Online
  Purchase Fentanyl Patches
 Buy Morphine Securely Online 
  Buy Mandrax (Quaaludes ) 0nline 
  Buy Percocet 10/325mg ( Pain Pills ) online Buy Oxycontin 80mg, 40mg, 20mg ( Pain management )securely online Purchase Opana Without Prescription 
  Ritalin for sale | buy Ritalin without prescription Order Roxicodone online | Roxicodone for sale Buy Tramadol Online without Prescription Buy Vicodin Securely Online About StealthVends 
 


Post new comment