Finding yourself, creating yourself

by Charlotte Fantelli

I heard a quote this week and it went like this:

'Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself'

A quick google search tells me it is by George Bernard Shaw. 

This quote inspired me, it also freaked me out a little...

Finding yourself is so passive, whereas 'creating' yourself gives you ownership over yourself and your future. You get to chose, to 'create', to be whatever you want to be... And you get the responsibility too!

So the next question is who do you want to be? I asked myself this and in all honesty I want to be so many things - A writer, a business woman, a wife, a mum - I want to be desirable and attractive, a good role model. I want to use my voice and abilities to do good in the world... Heck I even want to be a film star one day :)

I am starting to wonder if i should create someone less demanding???

The point is, there used to be days when all I wanted to do was survive - to get through the next ten minutes without giving up! There was a time when to eat a meal put in front of me was more terrifying than I could cope with... To go to the local shop... To just simply sleep...

The more my world shrank, the more my world shrank... Sounds obvious but think about it!

As I took the steps on my journey of recovery and told myself I HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE MY FUTURE, to be a proactive part of my own destiny, I gave myself choices.

I guess some of us have more limitations than others; disabilities, financial, social, educational disadvantages, but really, when it boils down to it we all have a degree of choice. Even if it simply the choice of how you react to given circumstances.

If your world is feeling small, if your options seem so limited, I want to ask you for one minute just to dream...

If you could create yourself from scratch, what would you do with the life you have been given?

Now ask yourself what would I need to let go of, or hold on to, or tackle in order to get there? Instead of thinking about all the reasons why this could not be you, think of how it possibly could be...

Now, what tiny, small, achievable step can you do right now to start your journey to make that a reality?

Now in the words of the great Nike - Just Do It!

Comments

'Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself'

Charlotte I have never known someone who has created for herself (or himself) such a rewarding and inspiring life -- you already are all but one of the things you desire to be (that's a film star!).

Yes many people, like me, have many ongoing disadvantages in our lives which have the potential to hold us back - in my case physical and mental disabilities, a low income and the lack of someone special to share my life with and to have the children I so much desire, the ability to drive again, and to afford my own home - but thanks to you and Liz and and the various magazines I freelance for I am living close to my ideal life, and I know you are too.

Each piece of work I am commissioned to do is a small, achievable step towards recovery and with your and Liz's kindness and support, and with the new life I am creating actively for myself, I hope one day to achieve all of the above goals and that my life will be as complete and inspiring as yours!

Your story is equally as captivating and inspiring. You have overcome so much and are helping others to do the same. I would say the first step you need to take (if you don't mind me saying) is to stop underestimating and undervaluing yourself and your achievements, and realise what a credit you are to yourself, your family and everyone you work with.

Charlotte

 

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Your kindness knows no bounds, Charlotte. Thank you so much for saying this. I received some fantastic feedback via my website today too and with each boost comes hope of one day having good self-esteem and pride in my achievements! Thanks again.

Ian

I am still at the 'surviving the next ten minutes' stage and it is a horrible place to be. I have so much to do but can't DO anything. Now I feel angry This BPD is overwhelming me.

I am so sorry to hear that. I remember days I never thought I could live through. I remember telling my mum 'I hate you so much because I love you too much to kill myself'... Does that make sense? Whether it does or doesn't that's how I felt and I recon you can probably relate to this. But I can't tell you strongly enough how happy I am that I didn't give up. What is it that you are finding the hardest about your BPD? The anger? Insecurity? fear? Please tell me as I maybe able to point you in the right direction - Emergence is a good place to start - http://www.emergenceplus.org.uk/ Let me know how you get on x

Good point. I hadn't toguhht about it quite that way. :)

Thank you very much - I loved the quote when I read it and found it quite inspiring :)

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