Study finds inconsistencies between men and women wants in relationships
By Rachel O’Rourke
Women like the men in their life to show emotional engagement, such as knowing when they are upset, 
whereas men needed to see that their partner is happy according to a new study by the American Psychological Association.
The report which studied a diverse sample of couples found that whilst women needed to know that their partner was invested in the relationship through expressing emotional feelings, men liked to know when their wife or girlfriend was feeling good.
Published in the Journal of Family Psychology, the report found that men and women’s perceptions of their significant other’s empathy, and their ability to tell when the other is happy or upset, are linked to satisfaction in the partnership.
Each participant was asked separately to describe an incident with his or her partner that was particularly frustrating, disappointing or upsetting. The statement was recorded and then replayed to the couple together. The couples were then asked to try and find a mutually better understanding of what had happened whilst being recorded.
Following the discussions, the participants viewed the second videotape and rated their emotions using an 11-point electronic scale ranging from very negative to very positive. They also measured the participants' overall satisfaction with their relationships and whether each partner considered his or her partner’s efforts to be empathetic.
Relationship satisfaction was directly related to the man’s ability to read their partner’s positive emotions correctly. However, contrary to the researchers’ expectations, women who correctly understood that their partners were upset were more likely to be satisfied with their relationship than if they correctly understood that their partner was happy.
In addition, when men understood that their female partner was angry or upset, the women reported being happier, though men did not
"It could be that for women, seeing that their male partner is upset reflects some degree of the man’s investment and emotional engagement in the relationship,” said Shiri Cohen PhD, lead author of the study.
“This is consistent with what is known about the dissatisfaction women often experience when their male partner becomes emotionally withdrawn and disengaged in response to conflict.”
The study also showed that the more men and women show empathy to their partner’s feelings, the happier they are and researchers encouraged couples to better appreciate and communicate one another’s efforts to be empathetic.
Researchers recruited 156 heterosexual couples for the experiment; 102 were from Boston, young in age as well as ethnically and economically diverse and in committed – but not necessarily married – relationships. The remaining participants were older, suburban and middle-class married couples. In all, 71% of couples were white, 56% were married and the average length of relationship was 3.5 years.
The study also looked for couples with a history of domestic violence and/or childhood sexual abuse in an effort to find people who varied in the ways they resolved conflicts and controlled their emotions.
The American Psychological Association, in Washington, USA, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists, including more than 154,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students.
