The Regrets of the Dying...

Today the Guardian posted an article: The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. The full article can be read here: www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying but I'm just going to list the 5 points anyway:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

My depression has got many layers and levels to it, one of which is conflicts about my life. I think people are bored of hearing me say it, but I've always been torn between doing Medicine and having a career as a doctor, and doing what makes me happy, which is English. Now I'm at a bit of a pivotal stage - I can choose whether or not I want to return to Medicine (and Birmingham) next year. Actually I can make that choice at any stage but because I'm away from Birmingham (and because I will graduate with a degree at the end of this year) I've had a lot of time to think about it. I was actually thinking about it just before reading the Guardian article. And I realised that the reasons I've decided to go back to medicine are 1) family pressure and 2) fear about what the future may bring if I don't return to the path I set for myself when I was 6.

That's number 1 on the Guardian list.

Unfortunatley I'm already regretting working too hard (number 2). I know I'm only 20 put I seem to have dedicated my life to academics. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED school. I had the most amazing 7 years at my high school. But all I've done for the past 9 years is work.

Number 3 is an issue as well.

Number 5 is a big one. Because like the article says, happiness really is a choice. I don't want my depression to haunt me for the rest of my life. It seems a little ambitious but I want to deal with my deamons, and sort out all the reasons for feeling this way so I can remove the external triggers. I don't want to die wishing that I had made the choice to be happier.

I think most people with depression will look at that list and be able to identify at least one point which they already regret about their lives. To be honest, I think most people could. I wonder if we will ever be strong enough to deal with all the issues before death so we can all die with no regrets?